Monday, February 28, 2011


Wow, you know there's nothing much out there when yet
another Toy Story toon starts looking like Citizen Kane.


By Ed "Golden Gulch" Gauthier
Reporter To The Tarnished Stars

Well, yesterday's Oscar results proved to be very dull and predictable, notably the way Col Filth and Nat Portable were shoved down our throats from day one.

And guess who won? Yep, Col Filth and Nat Portable - whatta shock. I'm sure that seeing all those full page color ads in the papers for so many weeks was really fun for all their competitors.

Plus everyone knows that a Best Actor award should never go to someone in a remake, so that knocked out Jeff Bridges of True Grit. (Besides, they'd already just given him one last year for going the Robert Duvall Tender Mercies route as a country singer, which bumped him even further out of the loop.)

This year's flatulent festivities were hosted by two people, which it takes to fill the shoes of past mega-talented solo hosts like Billy Crystal or Chris Rock. Who was it, now... oh, ya - that guy (Franco) who was the Green Goblin's kid in the Spiderman trilogy, and that girl (Hathaway) who was in those Princess whatever movies.

Anyway, here's the official list of the super big popular winners
(which we'll all be sure to forget by next year), in no particular order:

Best Actor: Colin Firth for The King's Speech. (What next? The Queen's Twitch?)

Best Actress: Natalie Portman for The Black Swan. (The Red Shoes it ain't.)

Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale for The Fighter. (Now maybe he'll stop yelling at poor little soundmen.)

Best Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo for The Fighter. (She seemed really surprised.)

Best Director: Tom Hooper for The King's Speech. (Not to be confused with Tobe Hooper.)

Best Picture: The King's Speech. (Duh!)

Best Documentary: Inside Job, by Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs.

Best Animated Feature Film: Toy Story 3.

Update: Academy president Tom Sherak told The Hollywood Reporter, "You can say we failed." The Oscar telecast saw a 9% decline in audience. Sherak, along with Oscar producers Bruce Cohen and Don Mischer, makes the decision on who will helm the ceremony.

An Academy member said the choice of hosts is a convoluted affair, left completely to the producers and president. There is no discussion with the board of governors. Even Sherak admitted that Franco and Hathaway didn't translate as well to the small screen as he had hoped. He noted that "the chemistry seemed to be off" and that the comedic know-how, from Franco in particular, was simply not there.

Probably because the hosts can do romantic comedies, but neither of them are comedians. Let's see, what makes a great Oscar host? People like Bob Hope, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, Chris Rock, David Letterman, and Steve Martin - all real comedians. Duh!

Saturday, February 26, 2011


This is enough to make co-star
Jon Cryer live up to his last name!

* * *

Yes, is the sheen indeed off the Charlie?
Let's take a look, courtesy of CNN:

(CNN) - - LOS ANGELES, CA - - Actor Charlie Sheen on Friday declared "we are at war" following canceled production of the hit CBS sitcom "Two and a Half Men" and his impending loss of $1.2 million per episode.

"They know what they did is wrong," Sheen, who claimed he is clean, said in a call from the Bahamas to the "Loose Cannons" radio program.

Producers cited Sheen's actions and statements when they announced they were calling off production for the rest of the season.

"Defeat is not an option," Sheen said in the Friday interview with "Loose Cannons" host Pat O'Brien. "They picked a fight with the wrong guy. They are in absolute breach."

"They kept telling me how to live my personal life," said Sheen, making repeated references to money he brought to the network. "It was a toxic environment for eight years."

The actor, who began rehab treatments at his home in the wake of an emergency hospital visit in January, told ABC's "Good Morning America" in text messages Friday he is going to show up for work anyway.

Sheen appeared to challenge producers to take action Thursday when he went on a rant as a guest on "The Alex Jones Radio Show."

"I was told if I went on the attack, they would cancel the show and all that, so I'm just sort of seeing if they're telling the truth or not," Sheen told Jones.

The decision to halt "Two and a Half Men" was announced Thursday after Sheen spoke with the Jones show.

"Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen's statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of 'Two and a Half Men' for the remainder of the season," the network and studio said in a joint statement Thursday. Warner Bros. Television is owned by Time Warner Inc., the parent company of CNN.

CBS placed the sitcom on "production hiatus" after the actor began rehab treatments. The show had been scheduled to resume taping on four more episodes next week.

It's not clear if "Two and Half Men" will return for a ninth season. Industry insiders estimate that the show has already grossed $400 million in reruns, putting total syndication fees for the 177 shows at a cool $1 billion.

A Warner Brothers spokesman said that at least 250 members of the cast and crew will be out of work during the canceled production. Sheen said the employees should be focused, patient and to understand "there are ways to deal with these clowns and take all their money."

Sheen said on the Jones show that he was dealing "with fools and trolls" and people with "loser lives."

He also had some unkind words for Alcoholics Anonymous.

"This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5% success rate. My success rate is 100%. Do the math. ... Another one of their mottoes is 'Don't be special, be one of us.' Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you! I have a disease? Bulls**t! I cured it with my brain, with my mind," Sheen told the show.

The actor also went after show co-creator Chuck Lorre.

A short time after the cancellation was announced, Sheen sent a statement to celebrity news website TMZ.

"I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows," Sheen wrote to TMZ. "I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth."

Sheen's battle with producers is in sharp contrast to the kind words he had for them earlier this month when he thanked network executives for their support.

"I have a lot of work to do to be able to return the support I have received from so many people," Sheen said in a statement then. "Like Errol Flynn, who had to put down his sword on occasion, I just want to say, 'Thank you.' "

Lorre had no comment Friday.

Sheen's father, actor Martin Sheen, told Sky News earlier this week he likened Sheen's addiction to having cancer.

"If he had cancer how would we treat him?" the elder Sheen asked. "The disease of addiction is a form of cancer and you have to have a equal measure of concern and love and lift them up. That's what we do for him."

Addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky told HLN on Friday that Charlie Sheen "is clearly manic."

Pinsky said Sheen is exhibiting traits of advanced addiction, which he said has a grave prognosis without proper treatment.

"When their workplace is affected, that's when you know things are really bad," said Pinsky, whose new HLN show premieres April 4.

Another Sheen radio interview last week raised concern about the actor's stability.

Sheen, talking on "The Dan Patrick Show," advised people to stay away from crack cocaine "unless you can manage it socially."

He told Patrick then that he was ready to return to the show.

"I healed really quickly, but I also unravel really quickly, so get me right now guys," Sheen said. "Get me right now."

Sheen was "very, very intoxicated, also apparently in a lot of pain" on the morning of January 27, according to a 911 call from a doctor who had just talked to the actor.

Porn actress Kacey Jordan has told media outlets that a two-day party preceded Sheen's collapse.

Paramedics went to Sheen's Los Angeles home and then took him by ambulance to a hospital, where he spent several hours. While his representative blamed a hernia for Sheen's pain, he later announced the actor was undergoing rehab at home.

* * *

(CNN's Alan Duke, Aaron Smith and Brittany Kaplan contributed to this report.)

* * *

Note: The move of canceling the remaining shows of a TV season, without actually canceling the series, clearly puts a trap door under lead actor Sheen. Meaning that he will most likely be fired and replaced by a new lead actor next season.

UPDATE 1: Feb. 28 - - Stan Rosenfield, who was Charlie Sheen's publicist for the last seven years, quit Monday. But that hasn't slowed down the colorful star one bit. In fact, Sheen is now bringing out the legal guns against CBS and Warner Bros. — and he's also not done with his boss on "Two and a Half Men," producer Chuck Lorre.

In a five-page demand letter posted by, Sheen's attorney Marty Singer, a well-known celebrity lawyer, says his client is sober and ready to work on the show but that CBS and Warner Bros. shut it down last week "in retaliation for your show runner (Lorre) being criticized." The letter threatens the companies with a lawsuit if Sheen isn't paid the full amount for his deal that expires in May 2012.

Sheen — whose entry into rehab forced the series into hiatus last month — last week called Lorre "a clown" and a "turd" and has continued assailing his employers in a blizzard of media interviews since.

Singer wrote that his client was simply responding to Lorre's own put-downs. "Mr. Lorre has repeatedly made negative and derogatory comments about our client and harassed Mr. Sheen on the set," Singer wrote. The letter also quotes from Lorre's "vanity cards" at the end of "Two and a Half Men" episodes, which seem to contain messages meant to ridicule Sheen.

Spokesmen for Warner Bros. and CBS confirmed that they received the letter but declined to comment further.

UPDATE 2: Mar. 7 - - Well, if there was any question as to whether or not Warners was in breach of contract, that was answered in the affirmative on March 7, when they stepped up their attack upon Sheen by announcing that the actor was now officially "fired" from the Two And A Half Men TV series, the highest-rated show in the nation.

Shoot yourself in the foot, much, Warners?

We predicted a threatened firing of Sheen, but didn't think they would go all the way, or that it would happen nearly this soon. We assumed much more posturing and negotiations from both sides would be ahead, since there's still lots of time until next season.

Sheen, like most signed actors, is in legal play-or-pay mode, and this time out Warners will have to pay him bigtime for his contract, which includes the remainder of the show's season 8 and all of season 9, which they have already bought.

The studio is trying to claim that Sheen was "on coke" because he joked about being "on coke." Last we checked, those two things were NOT even close to being the same, guys. So, Warners, you're... L-O-S-I-N-G!

Saturday, February 19, 2011


They say that life is but a joke...

Based on an article this week at WENN News:

Well, you've already heard of the Son Of Sam - now how about the Daughter Of Sam?

That's right, folks - apparently genius comedian Sam Kinison fathered a lovechild, according to DNA tests obtained by his old best friend, fellow comic Carl La Bove, who has been paying child support for the girl for years.

Kinison, who was joined by rockers including Steven Tyler and Billy Idol in his 1988 novelty cover of The Troggs' Wild Thing, died in a car crash in 1992. But getting back to the daughter thing, this story gets even more unusual - who's the mommy?

Actually, La Bove is claiming that Kinison slept with his (La Bove's) wife more than 20 years ago, and fathered the child with her! La Bove has been paying maintenance for nearly 13 years after splitting from the girl's mother, but he has now filed legal papers claiming the child is Kinison's.

And La Bove isn't wrong, because DNA tests, which never lie, taken from the funnyman's brother Bill, allegedly show a 99.8 per cent likelihood that the late TV star indeed is the father of the unnamed offspring, who is now 21.

The test results also therefore rule out any possibility La Bove is the father.

Bill Kinison says, "She looks like she'd be Sam's daughter. Sam and Carl lived a lifestyle that was pretty promiscuous... I'd want to get that off me too."

Hmmm... wonder if our girl "Sammy" has been hitting any comedy clubs lately? Why not? She's legal enough, now!

(The above item is based on material provided by WENN News at,
originally posted on 2/19/11, and titled "Kinison Fathered Lovechild, Pal Says.".)