Saturday, January 30, 2010


Elmore Rual, ya'll really need ta cut this stuff out, boy!
(Photo from of a previous arrest.)

By Ed "Tore Up From
The Floor Up"Gauthier

Actor Rip Torn was arrested last night after he allegedly broke into a Connecticut bank with a loaded gun.

Police allegedly found the Men In Black star lying on the floor of the Litchfield Bancorp building clutching a loaded revolver.

Torn (real name Elmore Rual Torn) is said to have been drunk at the time of his arrest, and has been charged with a string of offenses including carrying a pistol without a permit, carrying a firearm while intoxicated, first-degree burglary, first-degree criminal trespass and third-degree criminal mischief.

The actor has previously been in trouble with the law over alcohol-related offenses, including a driving under the influence (DUI) arrest in December 2008. At that time was handed probation and ordered to enroll in an alcohol education program.

Torn is currently being held on a $100,000 bond and is due in court on Monday.

Litchfield Bancorp manager Mark E. Macomber told that he does not believe the actor was trying to steal anything from the bank, but thought he was in his own home.

* * *

Would that be a BUI - Banking Under the Influence? So... our ol' buddy Rip usually gets blind drunk and waves a gun around, threatening to rob his own home?! Wow, I'd sure hate to be a house guest at Che Torn on any given weekend!

Monday, January 18, 2010


Clash Of The (Talk) Titans!

By Ed Gauthier
Host Of The Mr.
Ed Weirdo Show

This isn't quite the kind of thing we usually cover here, but it still seems worth mentioning that NBC has been up to some very screwy things with their late night schedule recently.

In fact, so screwy that they just might be paying off one of their employees almost 50 million bucks to stay quiet about it. What's to stay quiet about? Nobody knows for sure. See? I told you it was screwy!

It all started when Conan O'Brien (AKA "Coco") took over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno (AKA "Leno") seven months ago, and Leno later moved to a new prime-time slot with The Jay Leno Show.

Leno's show proved to be a colossal flop. So then NBC proposed to move The Leno Show back to 11:35, displacing The Tonight Show, and moving O'Brien back to 12:05 am. NBC mysteriously opted to pull the plug on both situations, even though they knew full well that it takes at least a year to attract an audience to a new show or an old show switching time slots.

But O'Brien is apparently not willing to play yo-yo. In a statement he released Tuesday, Conan totally rejected NBC's latest move:

"People of earth.....

After only seven months, with my “Tonight Show” in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule. Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the “Tonight Show” to 12:05 to accommodate the “Jay Leno Show” at 11:35. For 60 years, the “Tonight Show” has aired immediately following the late local news.

I sincerely believe that delaying the “Tonight Show” into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The “Tonight Show” at 12:05 simply isn’t the “Tonight Show.”

Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the “Late Night” show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy..... I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is [the Tonight Show's] destruction....

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.


So O'Brien clearly cannot support the network's decision, and will have no part of it (literally). The only option remaining for NBC is to buyout O'Brien's contract and assorted related legal paperwork to the tune of about $45 million. But that would still leave two main questions unanswered regarding follow-up shows:

1) If the FOX network successfully courts O'Brien to stage a talk show opposite Leno, who will host a possible follow-up FOX version of his old Late Night one?

2) If it's to be business as usual again for Leno on The Tonight Show, who will host the follow-up to that - or will it just be Jimmy Fallon after he's dropped down an hour?

Last Monday, president of Fox Entertainment Kevin Reilly strongly endorsed O’Brien, saying, “He would be a very compatible fit for our brand. He is one of the few guys on the planet that has demonstrated he can do one of these shows every night.”

Meanwhile, who's been the biggest winner in all this scenario so far? David Letterman, of course - his ratings have skyrocketed since the whole confusing mess began! Letterman, you might recall, was similarly bumped out of The Tonight Show spot 17 years ago, also by Leno.

So going back to what there was to be quiet about, one might well wonder what strange hold Leno has on NBC, and what did O'Brien find out about it that has NBC so nervous? Only time - and a whole lotta future payoffs - will tell.

UPDATE: You knew there'd be one! On April 12, 2010, O'Brien began a national comedy tour, starting off in Oregon. That same day, he also announced that he'd just signed to do a new late night TV show - not for FOX, but for TBS - starting this November!

Oh, ya - and this week Leno's bandleader Kevin Eubanks quit him flat. All in all, not a great year for Leno, and O'Brien pulled out of his nosedive at the last minute. Of course we're talking about two multi-millionaires here, who seem to make even more money no matter which way they turn, so let's not get too dramatic about this jazz!

Friday, January 1, 2010


"Mr. Limbaugh, I've been waiting a long
time for this day," said the feminazi nurse.

By Ed Gauthier
Rushin' Hands And
Roman Fingers

The good die long, so this bum will live forever.

Today a rep from the Rush Limbaugh Program released a statement saying, "Rush was admitted to and is resting comfortably in a Honolulu hospital today after suffering chest pains. Rush appreciates your prayers and well wishes and he will keep you updated via"

According to KITV, yesterday paramedics responded to a call at the Kahala Hotel in Honolulu, Hawaii at 2:41 PM and transported Rush to Queens Medical Center. The report says that Limbaugh was in "serious condition" when he arrived at the hospital.

Sources inside the hotel told website reps from that the hotel took drastic measures to get the mystery patient, reported to be Rush Limbaugh, out of the resort without being seen. Hotel security shut down a wing of the hotel and the guest elevators. Limbaugh was transported using the employee elevator bank.

UPDATE: Limbaugh recovering fine. Just a little early New Years celebrating, probably resulting in heartburn. Better luck next time.